Finding The Way Back
by nlightnd
Summary: Rose hears a voice whispering in her mind and calling to her on the wind.  Can she find a way back to her beloved doctor from the parallel universe where she exists? DoctorRose pairing
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my very first Doctor Who story so please be gentle. :) This is a doctor Nine(Ten)/Rose pairing. This is set after the events of Doomsday. Martha's no longer traveling with the doctor, and he's regressed back into loneliness while reminiscing and missing the true love of his long existence...Rose. For now this is rated T but could possibly increase if I do a multi-chaptered story. WARNING: I plan on using artistic liscense liberally...so if you're not up for it...don't read.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or anything else involved with Doctor Who, although I wouldn't mind Christopher Eccleston or David Tennant paying me a visit! ;) I've included a work of mine entitled Elusive (If anyone has a better suggestion for the title...I'm listening.) :)

Finding The Way Back

By: nlightnd

Flipping switches, monitoring the progress the Tardis made as seconds and minutes passed, a brunette male stood at the console ready to see the world his next travels would take him. His eyes lit up as the cylindrical tube in the center of the console glowed green; inside the tube an upper and lower plunger-like objects pistoned toward each other vigorously as the ship worked to carry out the doctor's orders.

"Ah, yes!" he exclaimed. "This should prove interesting." His eyes glowed with a possessed light that tapered quickly into somberness.

His thoughts automatically flew to the one person who could throw a damper onto the smallest amount of excitement. Rose Tyler.. The girl he'd loved more than any other. And the one who was lost forever. She was in a place where he could never get to her, never see her, and worst of all...he could never touch her again.

Pausing to turn a knob clockwise he felt the inescapable grief well within. The grief that threatened to overwhelm and choke him with its invisible fingers. Rose. Why her? This same question he continously posed to himself. Of all the women he'd ever known and traveled with...why her? She'd brought such joy to his life. She'd brought back a part of himself that he thought buried for all time. Rose had given much more than she'd ever taken. In a way, Rose had freed him to live life again. The young blond had helped him deal with his strong, tumultous; dark emotions regarding the destruction of his entire race, leaving him as the last. The last Timelord. A slightly scary prospect knowing you're all alone, the last of your kind.

Ever since the Time War, and the death of his people, the part of the doctor which enjoyed life seemed to die, fade and his emotions dulled. Bit by bit Rose had woken him, bringing the laughter and love back to life with just a smile, a touch and the sound of her laughter. Just being near her made him feel more powerful than anything in the universe. Her presence bouyed his already overflowing confidence. The light in her eyes, the brightness of her smile made his life worth living. In essesence, he lived for her and would die for her if the situation ever required this level of sacrifice.

A light sheen of tears glistened in his eyes as he whispered her name in reverence, and hopelessness. "Rose."

Chords of sadness struck deep and he tried to shake them by remembering former companions he'd left behind including his lovable dog, K-9. Oh how he missed that dog, but his new owner was taking perfectly good care of him back on modern day Earth.

Earth. Her home. It used to be her home. Rose. Every line of thought returned to her. Thoughts raced maddeningly within every cell of his brain. Why couldn't there be any way to find her? Time could be unpredictable and volatile and he was entertaining the idea of attempting travel to parellel universes. Where one reality had the possiblity to branch off into an infinite number of paths. For once, someone could see any number of consequences, good or bad, from various decisions made at any point in time.

He'd lost her to time itself. Time and another universe. What could be worse than that? Well, at least she didn't fall into the void with the Dalek's and Cybermen, he mused. That would've been a torturous eternity, being trapped with the two metal, warring races. Despite the universe she'd fallen into...at least she was alive. That was always better than the alternative.

"The fun times we had, right, Rose?" Lifting his chin, he smiled remembering the trips they'd made, the different aliens and situations encountered. All unique in their own way. Especially a certain man by the name of Captain Jack Harkness. Remembering the expression on Rose's face as he explained to her that their new friend was omnisexual was priceless. She'd been stunned to say the least. But being the girl she was Rose quickly accepted his explanation and Jack's ways with no further questioning.

So caught up in reminiscing he barely noticed when the Tardis had reached its destination, the machinations of the cylindrical tube ceasing. All had become quiet. Even the hum ever present in the Tardis seemed quieter tonight. Maybe the age old ship had acclimated itself with his mood tonight. The Tardis had taken rather easily with Rose. It had done things for her as with no one else. It had allowed her to look inside and see into the very heart of itself, allowing her to save the doctor from harm. It had responded easily to her touch when she helped him while in flight. It was simple. The Tardis missed Rose as much as he. If only he could bring her back! If only he could bring her home.

Dropping his hands from the glowing, spherical controls, the doctor walked towards the doors leading outside, boots clanging softly against the metal floor as he moved, coat swinging slightly against his thin frame. Pushing the door open, he walked outside; breathing deeply he gazed at the blazing stars as he released the air from his lungs. Again, he pondered on his lost love. If only...

_Burning stars call my name_

_Alluring sounds echoing through time and space_

_So many changes yet my pain remains_

_Walking alone amidst streams of time_

_Falling from my fingers_

_You, the ultimate elusive_

_Love left behind_

Pensive eyes swept over the landscape, taking in the sweeping waves rolling over one another; crashing into the shore. His heart, and soul, had died that day. The day she'd been forced out of his life. No choice. No other way out. Her leaving had almost destroyed him. Sometimes he believed he should've grabbed the time travel device from the computer desk just in case something had gone wrong. At least he'd have been able to follow her. Then they'd have been able to be together. But what would've happened to the rest of the current world had he done so? Safe to say she'd have disapproved of his previous thought. She wouldn't have wanted him to sacrifice the world just to be with her. Not like that.

And so just like that.. Rose had been forced to sacrifice everything in the face of the rift, Dalek's and Cybermen. All for the purpose of their destruction. Rose had slipped from his fingers and there'd been nothing he could do about it. Not now and not ever. Life was unfortunately cruel at times. This lesson he'd learned too many times over the various centuries of his existence. It was his curse to be alone. And thus it would always be. Damn fate! To be alone...such a terrible burden for anyone to bear, much less for hundreds of years.

_Once again finding myself alone_

_Contemplating paths I've taken_

_Remembering where they've taken me_

_Time and again_

_Alienating those closest to me_

_Time and again_

_Blades pierce my chaotic heart_

_Losing a part of myself_

_As you slipped away_

"What could I have done differently?" He questioned the stars and sky in all their infinite wisdom, receiving no reply. He wondered why he had to suffer this fate over and over. Death was preferable to this aching, gnawing loneliness. The weight, so untolerable during moments like these; he occasionally he wanted to give up and give in. Surrender to the darkness surrounding him; let it sweep him into its waiting arms. Anything was preferable over the pain of being alone.

Yet still he wondered if there'd been some minute little detail or action that could've changed that fateful day's outcome.

Replaying the scene over and over in his mind repeatedly, growling in frustration as the scenarios kept building. The ones where Rose was not only alive but by his side were prominent.

_You fell through my defenses promising forever_

_If only we could've had that and more_

_Only thing I've ever wanted_

_Someone like you to notice me_

_Peering deep into the heart that lies inside_

_Love in the purest, most selfless form_

_That's all I needed, you're all I needed._

Loneliness cut like a knife. Attempting to lift his spirits and give himself hope that may promptly fall, the doctor ran an impatient hand through his hair; mussing it to imperfection which still looked good on him and said, "Maybe, someday, Rose Tyler. I know I said we'd never see each other again, I'll keep trying to find you; I'll never give up."

A cool, gentle, caressing breeze lifted the tail on his coat and ruffled the strands of hair standing straight up, pointing towards the darkened skies. Closing his eyes, smiling bittersweetly, he whispered, "Rose."

_You promised forever; now you're gone_

_Forever's a pointless river I'm swimming_

_Empty and shallow, drowing in memories_

_Fueled by my tears, stars blazing brighter_

_They know my pain_

_Giving it fiery substance_

_While searching endlessly for you._

Long, blond hair pulled back tightly into a ponytail, Rose Tyler, hand on her mother's burgeoning abdomen, baby kicking ferociously. "Can't wait to get out, eh? Well, I can't wait to meet you little girl."

Glancing up into her mother's blue eyes, Rose briefly smiled at the happiness her mom had finally found. Pete had come through for her mom in more ways than one, including stepping up into her late husband's shoes; giving her yet another blessing in life.

A hand lay atop hers and the voice asked, "Are you alright, Rose?" The older woman glanced down at her daughter knowing what, or who, was on her mind. It'd been the same day after day since her separation from the doctor. For months Rose had barely eaten, slept or smiled. All of it had been difficult to bear, seeing Rose in such tremendous pain. Had it not been for the baby she didn't think Rose would've snapped out of her depressive state period.

"I'm alright, mom."

An arched brow stated without words that her words were doubtful.

"Really,mom. I'll be fine." Hugging her mother quickly, then standing, Rose spouted, "I'm going to go for a walk. Be back in a bit. So don't wait up."

Nodding, the older woman replied, "Just be careful."

"I will."

Heading out the door, Rose closed it gently behind her heading to her favorite place...her special cove by the sea. The last place she'd seen _him_. A part of her foolishly hoped if she returned often enough that he'd somehow eventually discover her whereabouts and retrieve her, bringing her back to her place at his side. But it was nothing but a fantasy. A foolish one at that.

Standing by the rippling water the sound was faint. A male voice whispering. And he was whispering her name! Could it be? Could he finally have found a way to come for her? A seed of excitement sparked; however, she refused to allow it to take root and grow. There'd been too many failed dreams and misled hopes for her to give way to her feelings again.

_"Rose..."_

The voice echoed. It's sound whipping in the wind, swirling in her head as she relished in the knowledge of whom it belonged to. The doctor. Her doctor. Perhaps he really was coming at last. He was calling to her. More importantly, he was calling her. Beckoning her. A lure she couldn't resist. Her mind, body, heart and soul longed to obey his summons, fought against itself in order to find him. During all of this something changed deep inside and it couldn't be explained.

Something akin to power welled from the center of her being, flowing to her muscles, bones and other cells empowering them, giving rise to a fiery phoenix buried in the ashes of the many tears she'd shed over the loss of her beloved doctor. All the time knowing he was alive, but also the awareness that she could never touch, speak to or see him again pained her on so many levels. If only...

Suddenly, her hands began to glow. The bright, yellow light encompassed her entire body along with a weightless feeling. Slowly her slender frame lifted from the sand, arms stretched out sideways. Giving into the voice inside her head, she willingly followed his command. And with no further consciousness on her part, Rose Tyler disappeared leaving behind only footprints in the sand.

A/N: This is it for now. Hope you liked it at least a little. If you guys would like for this story to continue then if you don't mind leaving me a review and let me know. :) Thanx! Later.


	2. Bittersweet Time

So many thanks to all of the following for leaving me your thoughts on the last chapter, urging me to continue ever onward. Your voices were heard, loud and strong, and here is the culmination. :) A huge thanks to the following listed below for wanting a continuation of this story; it is to you guys that I dedicate this chapter. :) Enjoy.

RGjp..123, Appello, nicki, gaiafreedom21, btvsfifi, Ramona-Theta, evita, montypython203, momijisora, Amory-chan, SoraXNamine, I've Lost My Profile Page, Neonlights, Darksaber's Naco and Lovelessheart18.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything affiliated with Doctor Who, the series creators, the studios, actors or anything or anyone else. I'm also not making any money from penning this little tale. Standard warning for language and adult situations apply. For now I'll keep this rated Teen until the plot, and character actions and reactions, deserve otherwise. But for now...enjoy the read. :)

Finding the Way Back

Chapter 2: Bittersweet Time

The Doctor lay quietly on his back, a carpet of green to cushion his form, softly stirring breezes caressing his pale skin as he contemplated the greatest loss of his long life, excluding his race. Staring at the stars blazing brightly in the sky, fascinating him, tormenting him, with their light blazing through the darkness, guiding the way for the lost, only they could never help him. They could never bring home the one he loved and lost. The one woman who'd meant the world to him, who'd helped him surpass once cold emotions to gain a better glance into humanity itself, the one who had caused him to truly feel in all of his nine hundred plus years.

It was because of Rose that he was a better person. After she'd been ripped from his life, he tried, god knows he'd tried to continue to live. Just to live. That in itself involved more effort than anyone would ever know. And, for some strange reason, at times like these...it was when he felt her presence the strongest, the most, so close to him, yet so far from his reach.

"_Doctor? Doctor, where are you?"_

Smiling bittersweetly at the sound of her voice, brought on by the many memories he possessed of her, echoing impatiently in his mind, he opened his eyes, certain it'd all be a dream. Shock registering on the angular planes of his face, brown eyes filling with tears, he protested at the specter before him, floating above him, haunting him, her ethereal, glowing beauty stealing his breath.

"I-It can't be! You're-...in another universe", he stated stupified. Just how could this come to pass? A horrible trick? Some alien deception?

"_Not anymore", _she replied. _"You called for me and I'm answering. I'm coming. Give me time. After all, you are a Time Lord. You have all the time in the world, right?"_ Rose's transparent figure giggled at her own joke, typical Rose. Always finding the laughter in any given situation, no matter the fear she felt. Her laughter, contagious and untainted, caused his heart to swell while having a slightly relaxing effect on him as well.

Seeing her smile, however translucent, did much to buoy his heavy heart. She'd always had the type of smile that'd induce a person, specifically a man, to fight for her, to die for her, or just the make the world a better place. Rose's goodness shone through in her soul, and in her heart. And that's why he'd felt compelled to ask her to travel alongside him as his companion, to see the many worlds, the many different ranges of time, not to mention the multitudes of alien races, knowing her curiosity was as insatiable as his own. He'd been right. Many times over.

And now seeing her here, like this, was almost too much. Too much sensory overload. Too much everything: needing her, wanting her, yet knowing he couldn't have her or touch her- that was the most difficult part to bear. Why was fate so damned cruel?

A hand reached out to touch her...and passed right through. What had he expected? She wasn't really here. She was stuck, trapped in a parallel universe, with no way back, no way home. But her presence felt so real, so strong. It was unavoidable. The pain overwhelmingly intense ripped at his two hearts. Because of him, and the Time War, his race had been destroyed and he'd lost Rose, the woman he loved, and who'd salvaged his soul from the black, ruthless pit from which he'd descended.

Yes, he'd been instrumental in his race's destruction, but did he deserve this? To be eternally alone? Companions had come and gone, yet none of them had ever been capable of being his equal. They'd never questioned him, pushed him, as Rose had done. Out of all his companions Rose had been perfect for him, kept him grounded, kept him from crossing the line, from becoming a murderer once more ,when he felt vengeance's dark hold rise to grip him tightly.

"_Don't give up hope, Doctor. One day we will meet again. This, I swear."_ A glittery gold hand stretched forth to caress his cheek softly.

Even her touch felt real, though his had not. A tear dripped from his eye and she sadly smiled before kissing it away, her lips, cool to the touch, pressing gently against his flesh, leaving him astounded in their wake.

"But- how?"

"_I can't explain it. Not yet." _She shrugged her shoulders slightly, her eyes never leaving his_. "All I know is that it just is. I won't question it for fear it, and you, will disappear from me forever. Maybe it's magic. Maybe it's fate. I don't know, but one thing I do know...you'll soon figure out this mystery."_

With those last words her form shimmered and began to fade.

"Wait!" The Doctor cried out, stretching, reaching for her; it didn't matter that he couldn't touch her, he just didn't want her to go. "Where are you going? Are you still there?"

They both knew the question he was really asking. He wanted to know if she was still on the world in the universe in which Pete had taken her to.

"_I'm neither here nor there", _she replied. Her ghost-like apparition floating with ease.

"What's that mean? You're neither here nor there?" Eyes wild in confusion, struggling to understand, his hearts beating wildly. Then, suddenly, it dawned on him. And he completely understood her answer.

Flashing him her most brilliant smile, Rose giggled and said, _"There's the light bulb...I hate to say it seemed to have dimmed, but I'm pleased to say that there's hope for you yet, and that its still there." _Slowly, as if remembering something very sad, and painful, her smile vanished leaving behind a heaviness, an unexpected riddle, unspoken, a mystery.

Leaning down she placed a brief, tender kiss before saying, _"I must go. It is time. I'm burning up a star just to speak to you and time is short. Don't give up, my Doctor. Have faith. Have hope."_

With that her form shimmered one final time and disappeared, her last words echoing around his surroundings.

He smiled slightly, remembering her words about burning up a star just to speak to him. Those words, not quite verbatim, had fallen from his lips not so long ago, as he bid her farewell, both of them in tears, feeling distraught at losing the other, the thought rising that they might never to see them again.

"Rose, will we ever truly meet again?"

A gentle breeze stirred, ruffling his disheveled hair and clothing, carrying multitudes of sounds on its invisible currents.

"_We will. Just have faith...hope, Doctor. We will meet...faith...hope..."_

Just as soon as it had reappeared the voice was gone again. This time, however, he knew it was gone for the night. He just had that feeling in his chest. A sort of finality. He couldn't quite explain it, but in all his nine hundred plus years he'd learned from his instincts, and they told him her voice was gone, for now.

Seeing her again tonight reminded him how strongly he'd felt for her, loved her. And it brought everything back again. From the moment he'd first met her to the moment he'd lost her, every precious memory replayed, both happy, tenuous and sad. Their joys, their triumphs, their losses. They all hit him at once, yet he was glad that at least he could feel. The moment he ceased to feel would be the moment of his death, whether it be corporeal or emotional.

Exhausted from all the overwhelming emotions and feelings, his lids closed over his eyes and soon he was asleep. But it seemed he couldn't escape his pain, even in sleep, for a tear streamed down from his left eye. Yet it didn't linger, as the wind lifted it from his skin and kissed it away, a voice in the distance whispering.

"_Have faith...Doctor...don't give up hope..."_

The whisper continued on, its dulcet, low tones dancing through the night, entering his dreams, reigniting the ember that lay there, dying, ready to spark and burn.

--

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. He'd had no further contact from Rose, and he was worried. What had she done? What had she sacrificed now? More importantly...where was she and was she alright? The wait alone was making him daft. Silence was golden to some, but to him, it was tormenting.

He continued as he had, traveling from place to place, never staying to long, never involving himself in anyone's affairs lest it meant certain annihilative destruction, or the obliteration of an entire race or species.

The TARDIS tried daily to comfort him, to no avail. It knew everything inside his head, but it'd never know what was inside his hearts, both of them. The ship tried and tried but could come up with nothing to ease the Doctor's pain. One night it tried the unthinkable, and caused the Doctor's temper to flare white-hot.

Sitting in his chair, thinking and nothing but, the Doctor flinched and then smiled as Rose's image appeared before him. Question after question flowed from his lips, much as the scientific babble he often spouted, that many couldn't understand. He paused only as a sad smile crossed her face.

"Rose, what is it? What's wrong?"

But she only stood there, morose and silent, tears streaming. Sorrow evident in her brown eyes, pain emanating from their once warm depths. Evidence that she, herself, was tortured just as much as he by their forced separation. Not once did her lips move. It was as if she couldn't remember how.

"Rose? Why won't you speak to me? Is something wrong? Are you alright?" He was perplexed. Standing to his feet, he rushed towards her. "Talk to me, Rose? What's going on?" Fists clenched tightly, his jaw set as if made of stone, hard and unyielding.

She wasn't moving, wasn't speaking. Had something happened to her? Suddenly, her right hand stretched out, reaching for him, her eyes begging, pleading for him to understand.

He mirrored her action, confused when his hand passed through hers, no hint of solidarity in her form at all. Why me? He asked. What have I done? He repeatedly tried to reach her, hoping her physical being wasn't far behind, but there was nothing. Her presence didn't quite feel as it had upon her first appearance months ago. Something was wrong. Wrong indeed.

Her form flickered, her transparent figure began fading, her eyes still a testament of pain, tears still flowing freely. Her hand retracted and fell to her side. Abruptly, her eyes closed tightly, in pain, seemingly exhausted from the effort expended, along with repercussions of seeing him again. Turning her head, and her eyes from him, she forced herself to begin fading, her figure bright and shimmering, now vanishing, being pulled back within the confines of the darkness. The ghostly apparition winked out of sight, leaving behind a strange emptiness that he couldn't explain.

He stood there for the longest trying to digest just what had occurred, but no explanation, or justification came. For once, his greatest ally eluded him. His intelligence failed him. Just as he'd failed her.

Then as if unable to endure the Doctor's pain, the TARDIS confessed its sin. Livid, the doctor locked in a unspoken battle with his ship, his friend. Reprimanding it for its intervention, which was unneeded, he harshly dressed down his one remaining friend who'd seen him through hundreds of years, numerous battles, and a string of companions.

The TARDIS apologized and justified its actions. Confiding in the Doctor, it told him just how much he'd needed to see her, no matter that her image was forged, it was still her image, taken from her last visit, every moment recorded for a time such as this. It also told him that this was how she'd acted after she'd disappeared from his presence the first time, returning only to say a more private, tearful goodbye. One he wouldn't witness, or be privy to, as she hadn't wanted to compile any further guilt and pain upon him.

The Doctor, shocked that his friend would go through such lengths to make him happy, he smiled and quickly forgave it, as it had only thought of him. At least it had revived an image he didn't mind seeing, regardless of the agony it dredged up. He would willingly suffer any torture, any pain, just to see her again. Just one look, one touch. Anything.

His ship seemed to know numerous secrets, unwilling to share them all at this time, but he was sure there was a time and reason for them all. A positive feeling radiated from the TARDIS to the Doctor, allowing him to know that in time everything would be fine. There'd always be a time and a place. For everyone. For everything.

"_We'll meet again, my doctor. One day. Another time, another place..."_ Her words echoed within the confines of the TARDIS, prompting the Doctor to action as he leaped around, a ball of unstoppable energy, unable to be contained.

Feeling up to another journey, the Doctor adjusted knobs, changing his course entirely, a spark of hope building in his eyes.

A/N: This is it for now. Unless something changes, mainly the plot, next chapter will be the last. I can only hope I can do it justice. I'll try not to take as long to update next time. :)


End file.
